Helping Neurodivergent Children Thrive in Mainstream School: 8 Supportive Strategies for Parents

Mainstream schools can be exciting, busy, joyful — and for many neurodivergent children, overwhelming. Your role as a parent is central to that success. You don’t have to do it alone or be an expert in every condition; you only need to be your child’s steady advocate, bridge, and cheerleader. 

At Level Up, we use the OCEAR personality framework to help parents understand how children naturally think, feel, learn, and interact. These traits are especially important for neurodivergent children, who often experience the world with heightened sensitivity or different patterns of focus and energy.

This article offers an empowering, practical guide to supporting your child — not by changing who they are, but by aligning school expectations with their personality strengths.

What It Means for a Neurodivergent Child in a Mainstream School

Mainstream schools are typically designed for children who learn and communicate in predictable ways. But neurodivergent children may:

• process sensory input more intensely,

• experience sudden shifts in mood,

• need additional time to transition between tasks,

• communicate differently than peers,

• learn better through alternative methods, or

• feel misunderstood despite good intentions.

  
  

This does not mean they cannot succeed. Yet research shows that inclusive education can succeed when teachers and parents collaborate on support strategies. It means success requires alignment — creating an environment that recognises their personality, honours their emotional world, and helps them feel safe.

How Your Personality Influences the Way You Support Your Child

Your own OCEAN traits shape how you respond to school challenges, advocate for your child, and interpret their emotional and learning needs.

Traits	Expression	Description
O : Openness	High Trait Expression: Open	Flexible, innovative, curious Adapt well to alternative learning paths Parenting Growth: Consistency during difficult days
Low Trait Expression: Traditional	More traditional, prefers familiar routines, cautious with new methods Parenting Growth: Practise gradual exposure to new approaches, allow time to process changes, start with small predictable adjustments
C: Conscientiousness	High Trait Expression: Conscientious	Structured, reliable, organised Navigate school routines with clarity Parenting Growth: Being flexible with needs
Low Trait Expression: Free-spirited	Free-spirited, resists rigid schedules, avoids detailed structure Parenting Growth: Build gentle routines together, co-create simple checklists, use small goals to avoid overwhelm
E: Extroversion	High Trait Expression: Extrovert	Expressive, communicative, socially confident Comfortable collaborating with teachers Parenting Growth: Slowing down, deeper listening
Low Trait Expression: Introvert	Introverted, inward-focused, hesitant with school communication Parenting Growth: Prepare talking points before meetings, use email-based communication, take breaks after social demands
A:Agreeableness	High Trait Expression: Agreeable	Warm, empathetic, harmony-focused Build strong emotional trust with child Parenting Growth: Setting clear boundaries
Low Trait Expression: Self-governing	More self-governing, analytical, prefers directness Parenting Growth: Practise softening tone during difficult conversations, work on empathy cues, create scripts for emotional connection
N: Neuroticism	High Trait Expression: Neurotic	Sensitive, easily overwhelmed by stress Notice emotional cues deeply Parenting Growth: Staying steady during setbacks
Low Trait Expression: Steady	Steady and calm, rarely overwhelmed Parenting Growth: Stay attuned to subtle changes in your child, practise emotional naming to support connection

Recognising your traits allows you to support your child with greater self-awareness and less self-judgment.

How Your Child’s OCEAR Traits Shape Their School Experience

OCEAR personality traits are especially important in school, where expectations are often uniform. These traits influence learning, relationships, and classroom behaviour.

Traits	Expression	Description
O : Openness	High Trait Expression: Open	Inventive and curious, likes to try out new activities and explore new ideas Enjoys asking questions and understanding things in depth At school, often thrives with hands-on, exploratory learning and creative tasks
	Low Trait Expression: Traditional	More traditional, consistent and cautious about new experiences Prefers familiar routines and clear expectations At school, does best with structured lesson plans, clear objectives, timelines, and predictable formats
C: Conscientiousness	High Trait Expression: Conscientious	Efficient, organised and dependable Disciplined, likes to finish work on time and of good quality At school, usually follows rules, stays on top of homework, and prefers well-organised tasks
	Low Trait Expression: Free-spirited	Easy-going, laid back, dislikes strict schedules and detailed structure Works best when they have freedom in how and when to complete tasks At school, may resist repetitive or routine activities and need encouragement, bite-sized tasks, and gentle accountability
E: Extroversion	High Trait Expression: Extroverted	Outgoing, energetic and sociable Enjoys meeting new people and group activities At school, often energised by teamwork, discussions, and interactive learning
	Low Trait Expression: Introverted	More solitary and reserved, needs alone time to recharge Comfortable spending time in their own inner world or with a few close friends At school, may prefer independent work, quieter spaces, and smaller or one-to-one interactions over large groups
A: Agreeableness	High Trait Expression: Agreeable	Friendly, compassionate and kind-hearted Puts others’ needs first, enjoys helping and cooperating At school, often thrives in group work but may take on too much for others and need support with boundaries
	Low Trait Expression: Self-governing	More analytical and detached, values independence Believes people should rely more on themselves At school, may be highly driven and focused on goals, but can struggle with group work and may seem less emotionally warm or trusting
R: Reactivity	High Trait Expression: Reactive	Sensitive and more easily nervous or overwhelmed by stress May experience big feelings and need help pacing tasks At school, benefits from work broken into small chunks, advance notice of changes, and emotional support when things feel “too much”
	Low Trait Expression: Steady	More secure and emotionally stable, rarely overwhelmed Stays calm even when juggling many tasks At school, they usually cope well with workload and changes, but still benefit from check-ins so they do not quietly “power through” without support.

Understanding these traits helps you decode school struggles with compassion.

A mother with Open traits children who enjoy to explore new ideas.

8 Empowering Strategies You Can Use

1. Build a Collaborative Relationship with the School

A strong partnership with your child’s teachers and support staff sets the foundation for inclusion. Teachers often want to help but may not know what works best for your child unless you share insights.

Start the school year with an open conversation about your child’s needs, strengths, and triggers. Keep communication ongoing — small updates can make a big difference.

Try this:

• Schedule short monthly check-ins with the teacher.

• Share examples of what helps your child focus or calm down.

• Frame discussions around teamwork: “How can we support each other to help them succeed?”

When parents and teachers align, your child feels seen and supported from both home and school.

What this means for your child

• Open Child: They need teachers who encourage questioning and exploration. Traditional Child: They need predictable routines, familiar teaching methods, and slow, well-signposted changes.
  

• Conscientious Child: They need clear expectations and predictable routines. Free-spirited Child: They need flexibility, learning choices, and space to work in their own rhythm.
  

• Extroverted Child: They learn best through conversation, teamwork, and interactive activities. Introverted Child: They learn best with quiet time, smaller groups, and space to think before responding.
  

• Agreeable Child: They need gentle correction, emotional warmth, and supportive adults. Self-governing Child: They need direct, honest communication and clear, logical instructions.
  

• Reactive Child: They need teachers who communicate calmly and prepare them for changes. Steady Child: They need teachers who still check in emotionally and help them name subtle feelings they may otherwise overlook.

2. Create an “About Me” Profile with Your Child

An “About Me” sheet helps teachers understand your child’s personality beyond diagnosis or labels. Involve your child in creating it so they feel empowered rather than defined by their differences.

Include:

• Strengths and interests (“I love drawing / I learn best through visuals”).

• Sensory preferences (“I like quiet corners / bright lights make me tired”).

• Helpful strategies (“Give me a 5-minute warning before transitions”).

This tool humanises your child and starts a strengths-based conversation, shifting focus from “challenges” to “collaboration”.

Try this:

• Let your child help you write it if possible.

• Use positive framing rather than limitations.

• Add OCEAR insights (“prefers structure,” “needs processing time”).

This builds empathy and reduces misinterpretation.

3. Use Routines to Create Emotional Safety

Many neurodivergent children rely on predictability to feel safe. Sudden changes in school schedules, classroom expectations, or social dynamics can trigger distress. Visual support — such as daily schedules or picture cues — can bridge the gap between expectation and understanding.

At home, mirror the same consistency they experience at school. If the school uses a “first–then” chart (“first worksheet, then free time”), you can use it for home routines too. But routines don’t need to be rigid — they need to be predictable.

Simple ideas:

• Use simple morning prep (“Today we have… then… then…”).

• Practise transitions at home (“In five minutes, we will…”).

• Display a daily timetable with images or icons.

• Prepare your child the night before about changes (e.g. “Tomorrow’s assembly might be noisy”).

• Use countdowns before transitions — “5 more minutes until we tidy up.”

• Allow extra time for processing when routines change.

Consistency helps your child feel in control and less anxious when facing a demanding day.

4. Support Alternative Learning Pathways

Many neurodivergent children learn brilliantly — just differently. They may understand concepts quickly but struggle with handwriting, or communicate ideas verbally instead of in writing.

Try this:

• Request modified assignments when appropriate.

• Encourage teachers to offer multiple ways to show understanding.

• Use visuals, hands-on tools, or storytelling depending on personality.

• Allowing oral presentations instead of written essays.

• Using assistive technology (typing tools, reading software).

• Providing movement breaks or quieter workspaces.

These changes don’t lower expectations; they open doors for your child to show what they truly know.

5. Help Your Child Develop Emotional and Sensory Regulation Tools

School environments require sustained emotional and sensory regulation. Neurodivergent children often need tools to manage these demands. Helping your child build these skills will not only make school easier but also build lifelong resilience.

Begin by recognising early signs of stress (e.g. fidgeting, irritability, silence). Introduce calm-down techniques that they can use discreetly at school.

Practical tools:

• Teach simple deep-breathing exercises or grounding routines..

• Provide discreet sensory tools (fidgets, textured keychains).

• Suggest “break passes” for short reset moments.

Over time, your child learns to identify what they need and to advocate for themselves with confidence.

What this means for your child

• Open Child: Use playful, exploratory tools during regulation. Traditional Child: Use familiar, predictable calming techniques repeated the same way each time.
  

• Conscientious Child: Use structured, repeatable routines. Free-spirited Child: Use flexible, choice-based tools that feel natural rather than rigid.
  

• Extroverted Child: Use movement, verbal processing, and co-regulation through shared activities. Introverted Child: Use quiet, solitary tools such as drawing, deep breathing, or silent sensory breaks.
  

• Agreeable Child: Use gentle affirmation and co-regulation. Self-governing Child: Use independent, private regulation tools and offer support without pressure.
  

• Reactive Child: Use slow breathing, quiet spaces, and reassurance. Steady Child: Use subtle emotional labelling and check-ins, even if they appear calm.

Strong peer relationship helps a child to thrive.

6. Strengthen Peer Relationships Through Guided Support

Social interactions in school can be complex. Some neurodivergent children struggle with initiating play, reading social cues, or recovering from conflict. 

Work with teachers to build awareness and empathy in the classroom. You don’t need to label your child publicly. Instead, focus on celebrating diversity and encouraging inclusion for everyone.

You can help build confidence by facilitating social opportunities that match their personality.

Try this:

• Suggest group activities that highlight different strengths (e.g. creativity, problem-solving).

• Arrange low-pressure playdates.

• Encourage teachers to read stories that normalise different ways of thinking.

• Practise social scripts or role-play at home to prepare your child for playground situations (“Can I join?”).

Children high in Agreeableness or low in Extroversion may need additional support to feel safe socially. When classmates understand differences as normal, your child feels safer to be themselves.

7. Keep Communication Gentle, Clear, and Consistent

School can be overwhelming, and children may not always articulate what’s hard for them. Neurodivergent children often struggle with ambiguity or abstract language. Clear communication reduces frustration and increases cooperation. Create safe, judgment-free moments for your child to share.

Try this:

• Be concise and concrete.

• Use visuals to reinforce spoken instructions.

• Check for understanding without pressure.

• Maintain a predictable tone of voice.

• Instead of asking, “How was school?” — which often gets a short answer — ask:

• “What made you smile today?”

• “Was there anything that felt tricky?”

• “When did you feel proud of yourself?”

Consistency is key — especially for children who are highly Reactive or sensitive to changes in mood. Listening without rushing to fix things shows your child that their emotions are valid and heard.

8. Recognise and Celebrate Emotional Wins, Not Just Academic Ones

Your child’s confidence grows not only through learning but through moments of emotional courage: trying again, asking for help, or navigating a difficult situation.

Try this:

• Celebrate effort (“You stayed calm even though it was loud today”).

• Encourage self-reflection at the end of the day.

• Focus on progress rather than comparison.

Children high in Agreeableness or Reactivity particularly benefit from emotional validation.

Which Approaches Work Best? 

There is no universal strategy — only the strategy that fits your child’s internal world.

Many parents search for the method, the right system, or the perfect “evidence-based” approach to support their neurodivergent child. But research and lived experience consistently show that no single strategy works for every child, even those who share the same diagnosis. Their inner worlds, coping mechanisms, and processing styles are entirely different.

The right approach is the one that matches your child’s inner rhythm.

Not the loudest advice online. Not the system that works for someone else’s child. Not even what worked last year — children grow, and strategies grow with them.

When we follow the child instead of forcing the child to follow the method, we give them the conditions they need to learn, regulate, and belong.

Reflective Questions for Parents

• What parts of school seem to drain my child’s energy?

• What parts of the day help them feel calm or regulated?

• Which OCEAR traits appear strongest in my child?

• How do my own personality traits shape the way I advocate or respond?

• What small adjustments could make the biggest difference?

When Your Approach Isn’t Working

Even the most thoughtful strategies sometimes fall short. This doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means your child’s needs are changing.

Try this:

• Revisit your child’s emotional world.

• Adjust routines or supports gently.

• Ask teachers for specific observations.

• Prioritise connection before correction.

Parenting a neurodivergent child is an evolving relationship, not a fixed method.

How Level Up Game Can Support This Journey

Every child learns differently. Understanding your child’s personality type can make it easier to tailor support both at home and in school. Our free personality test for kids at personalitytestforkids.com helps parents and teachers uncover a child’s learning preferences, communication style, and emotional needs.

By sharing these insights with teachers, you can create a more personalised learning plan that celebrates your child’s individuality.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How can I talk to my child’s teacher about their neurodivergent needs? 

Schedule a calm, private meeting and focus on collaboration. Share what helps your child thrive and invite the teacher’s input.

2. What support can mainstream schools offer neurodivergent children? 

Support may include differentiated instruction, sensory breaks, or Individual Education Plans (IEPs). Ask about available accommodations.

3. What if my child feels excluded by peers? 

Work with the school to foster empathy and inclusion through class discussions or activities that celebrate differences.

4. How can I help my neurodivergent child manage homework? 

Break tasks into smaller chunks, set short timers, and include breaks. Reward effort rather than speed or results. If you need extra support, book a consultation with our education expert, Patricia Vlad, to discuss your specific case.

5. How can I handle school communication when I feel overwhelmed? 

Ask for written summaries after meetings, or appoint a school liaison if available.

6. Should I tell classmates about my child’s neurodivergence? 

Only if your child feels comfortable. The focus should be on understanding and respect, not labels.

7. What can teachers do to make classrooms more inclusive? 

They can reduce sensory distractions, allow flexible seating, and use multiple ways to assess understanding.

8. How do I know if mainstream school is the right fit? 

Monitor your child’s emotional wellbeing and progress. If distress outweighs benefit, discuss options with professionals.

9. How do I support my child during transitions (like moving up a year)? 

Prepare early, visit new classrooms, meet teachers beforehand, and rehearse what will happen.

10. How can I prevent burnout as a parent advocate? 

Set boundaries, share responsibilities with supportive family members, and prioritise rest and emotional recharge.

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Neurodivergent children bring unique strengths, perspectives, and emotional depth into mainstream classrooms. With the right support — grounded in understanding their personality, recognising their needs, and building strong school partnerships — they can truly flourish.

TRY THE GAME TODAY!

Have your child take the free personality game at personalitytestforkids.com to help you discover your child’s OCEAR profile, offering personalised insights into their learning style, communication needs, and emotional world.

Parents who choose the premium package can also book a personal consultation with Patricia Vlad, Forbes 30 Under 30 educator and creator of the OCEAR framework.